We haven't talked in months. MONTHS, and it hurts to recall that fact. Do you understand how much it hurts to not talk to someone I consider really close for months? Everyday, I'm always surrounded by pain; physical, mental and especially emotional. To deal with that was a tough challenge to me.
I was really afraid even saying hi to you. I developed this fear that whenver you come closer, I'd cringe, freeze and try to stay away from your field of view. But at the same time, I just want to say hi and talk...once again.
Now I gathered all my courage, eliminate my fear just to talk for a few minutes. Heck, I even texted my fear out and apologized for something absurd. I was...actually...happy though...when we finally...talked.
Thirty minutes have passed, and a few text messages. You had to cut the conversation and say "ttyl." Whenever it comes from you, my mood just goes down...quickly. I become extremely upset afterwards. It was my kryptonite.
Why won't you show some...appreciation? That...we haven't talked in months and I finally had to courage to talk to you. Aren't you glad that I FINALLY talked to you once again? Don't you realize I've been afraid of you for a while! I thought you hated me. I thought you dont want to be friends with me anymore. But I threw those insecurities behind and I told myself "I'm going to talk to her!"
Weren't you...glad? I mean... think about it! Do I really need to tell you EVERYTHING just so you'd realize? Because if it's the only way for you to know, then I'll tell you everything.
It's just that, I wish you said "thanks for talking to me" and not "ttyl"
That way, I would be much happier. Because I know...I know... that you appreciated my efforts.
But what can I say? You're my best friend. Even though you upset me so many times, you're the only one who can make my absolutely happy.
//Christian.
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