Why not show appreciation?;

We haven't talked in months. MONTHS, and it hurts to recall that fact. Do you understand how much it hurts to not talk to someone I consider really close for months? Everyday, I'm always surrounded by pain; physical, mental and especially emotional. To deal with that was a tough challenge to me.

I was really afraid even saying hi to you. I developed this fear that whenver you come closer, I'd cringe, freeze and try to stay away from your field of view. But at the same time, I just want to say hi and talk...once again.

Now I gathered all my courage, eliminate my fear just to talk for a few minutes. Heck, I even texted my fear out and apologized for something absurd. I was...actually...happy though...when we finally...talked.

Thirty minutes have passed, and a few text messages. You had to cut the conversation and say "ttyl." Whenever it comes from you, my mood just goes down...quickly. I become extremely upset afterwards. It was my kryptonite.

Why won't you show some...appreciation? That...we haven't talked in months and I finally had to courage to talk to you. Aren't you glad that I FINALLY talked to you once again? Don't you realize I've been afraid of you for a while! I thought you hated me. I thought you dont want to be friends with me anymore. But I threw those insecurities behind and I told myself "I'm going to talk to her!"

Weren't you...glad? I mean... think about it! Do I really need to tell you EVERYTHING just so you'd realize? Because if it's the only way for you to know, then I'll tell you everything.

It's just that, I wish you said "thanks for talking to me" and not "ttyl"
That way, I would be much happier. Because I know...I know... that you appreciated my efforts.

But what can I say? You're my best friend. Even though you upset me so many times, you're the only one who can make my absolutely happy.

//Christian.

Day one - Your best friend;

Dearest best friend;

Hey hey! It's been a while since I even wrote something for you. Even though I have been writing a lot of things about you here in this blog, this the first time I'm going to personally write to you. We saw each other this morning with your friend scaring the heck out of me just so I'd have to take a newspaper. That made my day, actually! But you know what upset me? We didn't talk at all. We didn't even say hi to each other. After taking the newspaper, we went on our own ways... We haven't talked in months; heck, I'm lucky if you said "hi" to me whenever we pass by. When are we hanging out? It's been a year since we promised that we will hang out... yet, I'm still waiting.

You know, I still miss the times when we had the same math class last year. It was the best! We didn't care about what we talked about, all that mattered was we talked and talked and talked and trusted each other so well. I wish I can go back to those six months and relive those again. Now we've drifted apart...farther than I thought. I miss you, where are you?

Sometimes, I feel like you don't value my friendship as much as I value yours. As much as I hate it, I've gotten used to it and I'll just have to take the blame for not doing anything...even though it's not my fault. I tried 200% of the effort to compensate the lack thereof in your part...or so it seems. I'm still holding on..as this is the only thing I care about. *sigh.

I hope we get a same class together for senior year. We need to catch up with a lot of things and I still need to tell you my story. In return, I'll let you copy my homework just like how it was back in sophomore year.

I just wish things get back the way it was. It was great...I was happy and I can tell you were, as well. I hope you realize that I care about our friendship and I never gave up... I want to tell you, but I don't know how. I want you to realize...I want you to know how much effort I've done...I want you know acknowledge that I never gave up.

Best friend, I really miss you.
I hope we become friends once again.

-Christian.

PS, this is really long. I'm sorry :P